What do I mean by have fun?
 
Weddings are traditionally serious. And let’s face it…. Being married is a serious business. It’s a lot of hard work to make it successful.   The author Robert Louis Stevenson said “Marriage is like life in this, that it is a field of battle and not a bed of roses. 
 
But that doesn’t mean that “getting married” has to be grim and somber…. Just respectful of the momentous occasion that goes with it…. a commitment to love and honor another person…. a person that you love …. being part of their lives for what you hope is a lifetime.
 
You’re not married yet…. There is time to be serious and work hard later. 
 
Your wedding is a celebration.  Celebrations can be serious but usually aren’t.  Not saying that you wedding should be disrespectful of the momentous commitment you are making.   But weddings can reflect who you are as individuals and as a couple, your personalities and values.  And it doesn’t have to just like every other wedding you have ever been to.
 
Marriage is a significant event in your life. Much of what your life is going to be about involves this person you are about to make a public and legal commitment to.  Your future happiness, financial status, role as a parent if you want to have kids, and everything else in your life is all going to be wrapped up in this other person.  Wow! I got pretty serious there for a column on “fun.”
 
My point is…. At this point all that should be behind you.  You know this is the person for you.  So the ceremony that ties the two of you together in life should be all about you…. Who you are …. Why this person is your choice…. Why they are the love of your life. 
 
That’s why I don’t like weddings that are too short, not personal, and not customized to the couple.  But I do them. These days more than any other kind.  And I do them well.  I make them as pretty, romantic and meaningful as possible.  But the can never be as meaningful as a wedding that is custom written for you.
 
I do them because they are cheaper for the couple and cheap is the operative word today when it comes to hiring an officiate.  One of the largest wedding sites instructs officiates to have the price the first thing you see, because according to their research,  you are going to pick who is cheapest (actually they say that if you don’t see the price immediately that you won’t take the time to find out…. You’ll just pick someone else.)
 
Keep in mind that when the ceremony actually happens, all eyes will be on three people, the bride…. the groom…. and the person performing the ceremony.   
 
A plan is fun
One of the best ways to insure that you have fun is actually having a plan.  Plan samples and software are found on almost every bridal site.  Look for one you actually can see yourself doing. Put together a plan that covers each aspect of your wedding with goals and deadline dates. Put them into your calendar too.
 
A plan helps you not forget things, lowers your stress level, and ensures you’ll plan time for some fun.  
 
Keep a journal. While you’re at it: Keep a Journal.  This event is a big one in your life…. Even if you don’t think so right now.   Buy a Journal (I’m old fashioned. I know you can just put a file on your computer or tablet, and share it with the universe via email and social media.)
 
KISS.  This applies to so much in life.  Take time to make it meaningful, but keep it simple.  Complex weddings are a lot of work.  If you have wedding planers they can make even complex weddings simple for you.  But if a planner isn’t in your budget or you can’t imagine letting someone else do if for you, then my advice is not to make the wedding too complicated. 
 
It’s more fun if it’s Your Wedding. What do I mean by that?
·         It’s NOT your parents wedding.   I know…. You owe them…. I get it.   You respect their values and wishes…. But really it’s YOUR wedding. You’ll always be their baby.  But getting married is about taking the controls yourself, the two of you.  Of your own life.   Your wedding is the first day of that. 
·         It’s not your celebrants wedding either.   Usually this comes up most often in religious weddings.  Unless your ties to this celebrant, or religious group is the uppermost importance in your life, the celebrant should not be making the decisions. Some guidance is good, but ultimately it is YOUR wedding.
 
Make it Fit You
Make it Say Something about you. Give the person you have selected information about your relationship.  It can be anything that is personal, touches the heart or makes people laugh. If you are a musician or just love music…. make ceremony music a part of your ceremony whether it be Ode to Joy by Ludwig Von Beethoven or I’m a Believer by the Monkees or Smashmouth. 
 
I generally ask for personal touches and assist when I can.  I had a couple that seemed to be total opposites, with little in common, and almost no common interests.  They talked about how that was off-putting in the beginning…. But something made them keep dating until they realized that they shared what was most important…. They had the same core values.    In the ceremony I put it this way.  “This was a relationship that took a while to develop and be recognized.  In the beginning all they seemed to share was a joint love of ketchup. “  
 
Think about involving all the senses in the ceremony, sight, sound, smells …. Music, Dancing, Singing…   you are building a lifetime memory, not just for you but for everyone attending.  A lifetime memory doesn’t have to be expensive…. Just from the heart. 
 
Don’t have too much fun at one time.
As much as I want you to have fun…. Don’t have too much fun all packed together.  Spread some of it out.  Bachelor and Bachelorette parties are fun.  It’s better if it’s not the night before.  Nothing like a hung over groom, puking bridesmaid, or someone fainting during the service. 
 
Stay sober for the ceremony. I know getting married can be anxiety producing, and I am not opposed to you having a little something to distress you. I’ve shared a shot prior to the ceremony with the groom and groomsmen…. But keep in mind.   I won’t perform the ceremony if I think that either the bride or groom has had so much to drink that they are impaired. 
 
Writing Your Own Vows Can Be Fun.  But that’s a topic for another blog.
 
That’s my advice.  You want a wedding that is memorable.   Have fun.  Make it fit you.  
 
Coming Up in the Next Blog.   You Deserve Better than the Courthouse.  Later:  Writing Your Own Vows
 
​

Funny Weddings

I had reservations when the first couple told me they wanted a wedding that was funny.   They explained that they were a fun, funny couple and they wanted their wedding to reflect that.

I had reservations.  I believe that a wedding is a very significant step in a person’s life and a wedding ceremony event should reflect that.  I was concerned that if a wedding was funny that (if only in appearance) the couple wasn’t taking it seriously.

But. I also believe that people should be able to be married the way “they” wanted, not the way I want…. a problem I have heard about from quite of few couples that have come to me after consulting other officiates. After pondering all this I reasoned I could still add humor to a wedding to reflect the couple’s desires, and yet have the wedding still reflect the significance of the event and couple’s serious intention to share their life with each other.

Once I got that far then came the dilemma of accomplishing that.  And it wasn’t easy.  There are a couple of problems.

The first problem of doing a funny wedding is…. what is funny to me isn’t necessarily funny to you. 

It took me some time but I was able to accumulate some humorous text, readings and “events” during the ceremony that fit.  At least they were funny to me.

But that didn’t necessarily mean it would be funny to the couple or to the guests.  My solution?  I build the ceremony from the input I get from the couple when I go through with them what I call the Preliminary Ceremony Questionnaire, a document I have built after 20 years of marrying couples. This questionnaire makes it easy for me to help a couple plan their wedding.

Then I build a pretty ceremony that reflects the choices that we discussed in the wedding planning with the couple.  After that is done, I put all the humorous text, humorous readings, and funny “events” in highlights throughout the ceremony. Then I send the wedding to the couple and I let the couple choose…what they think is funny and what isn’t and just how much of the “funny” that they want to include.   I even encourage them to add things of their own that they think is funny. 

One tip I will share…. Let the important people know up front…like the Father of the Bride. I never want to have “that discussion” again after the ceremony because the father didn’t know up front. 

The second problem in doing a funny wedding is Timing and Pacing.  Not everyone can tell a joke. At least not well.  I was a nationally known entertainer when I was young and a professional seminar presenter when I got older. I learned to read an audience, and how to take them where I wanted them to go. Part of that skill is learning timing and pacing…the art of the pause.  You learn with practice. And I’ve had a lot of practice.

The third problem is you must have a thick skin and a lot of confidence.  Because sometimes a joke just doesn’t work.   It falls flat on its face. And you just have to keep going.

Now I find there is an increasing demand for humor in the initial consultation. But in the end after the couple reviews the wedding text and send me back their requested changes….most use just a little. Some none at all.

Funny works better in non-religious ceremonies…but I get more requests for humor in religious weddings. What’s up with that?

I am sometimes asked why I use a wedding agreement.

The first reason is that a successful wedding is all about the details. Not all weddings are complex, but many are. By spelling out in the wedding agreement exactly what the wedding is supposed to be, it avoids many problems. It also spells out who is responsible for what in the wedding so there are no misunderstanding.

We are proud of the fact that only twice in 20 years have we been asked to refund the money paid for a wedding.

 In the first the bride wanted one kind of wedding and the mother wanted another.  I wrote the wedding the way the bride wanted it. The mother wanted it changed, the daughter didn't.  Since I wouldn't change it to the way the mother wanted unless the daughter agreed but she didn't. The mother was paying so she hired someone else and demanded her money back. I wouldn't have had to give it to her, but I did.

In the second, I became ill and had another minister do the wedding. They didn't like the fact that she was female and claimed that she did a poor job.  I had received nothing but compliments on the weddings she had done previously, but I refunded the money anyway.

I think one of the reasons I've only been asked for a refund twice in twenty years is that I use a wedding agreement and everyone's expectations are clearly spelled out.

The second reason I give a wedding agreement is that if I agree to do a wedding, unless I can't get out of bed because of illness (once in 20 years) or am dead I will be there to give you the Beautiful, Meaningful and Memorable wedding you desire.

 I pick up a lot of last minute weddings. I get a call from a frantic bride or groom who had someone else who was supposed to do a wedding, sometimes another officiate,  sometimes a friend or family member who gets ordained so they can do the ceremony (Note: This type of ordination for a wedding has been challenged in divorce proceeding as not valid in some states) In any case they had someone else booked to do the wedding. At the last minute the person set to do the wedding backs out.

If you book me for a wedding you will receive a wedding agreement that is my commitment to you that I WILL be there to do your wedding.

I married a couple recently at the Tapawingo  Golf Club, a facility that I had never done a wedding before.  Here are a few photos from the celebration.

The bride, the groom and the minister.  A  wedding is a significant event in anyone's life.  I am always amazed by the folks who shop for the cheapest minister rather than the best.  They call and instead of trying to learn about the services and ministers their only question is "What is the price? "

It reminds me of the joke about the astronaut climbing aboard the rocket about to take him into space who said, " I understand that I face incredible odds and many unforeseen dangers as I climb into this rocket, knowing full well that every nut, screen, O- ring, seal and gasket was selected because it had the cheapest price."

Considering that the cost of the officiate or minister is one of the cheapest elements of the wedding, it is my belief that selecting your minister by price alone,  is an unwise way of thinking.  I'll admit I am not the cheapest officiate in town so maybe I'm prejudiced.  For the record....I'm not the most expensive either.

If you are looking for a wedding minister my advice to you is remember the headline on this blog.

At your wedding all eyes are on three people. Your choice of minister is more important than an upgrade in the reception costs for seat covers, or whether the buffet choice is roast beef over chicken.

Because a year after your wedding no one will remember whether they ate roast beef or chicken or whether they seats had covers or not.

But if the minister doesn't provide a ceremony that is Beautiful....Meaningful....and Memorable it probably won't be remembered at all or perhaps will be remembered for all the wrong reasons.  And we guarantee it isn't a Remembrance Wedding, or one done by one of our associate companies.....WedXpress and EZ-Wed Elopement Services.

Because of our mission and our money back guarantee is that we will provide you a "Romantic Personal Wedding Ceremony You'll Remember Forever....Beautiful....Meaningful....Memorable.

But if cheap is what you seek, go on line and get a friend ordained by the Church of What's Happening Now, or some other outfit that will make you a minister (of sorts) for free. I'm sure your friend can come up with just the right words, rituals et al to make a perfect wedding.

In some states there are suits that have been filed that contend that weddings performed by such ministers are not valid.  I doubt that the courts will side with that point of view...separation of church and state.  The lawyer fees to prove it one way or another won't be a lot of money I'm sure.  Just be sure to look for a lawyer with "cheap" in the ad.    

  Once upon a time I wrote the copy for my Remembrance Weddings website and I really tried to put as much information as I could that would be helpful, not just in picking an officiate but also in planning the wedding ceremony for couples.

Being a writer (my first college degree was a Bachelor of Journalism Science from Ohio University, one of the nation's finest journalism schools) I felt like I had accomplished that, and judging from comments I received from brides, they thought it was helpful.

Now we are in the age of search engine optimization.  People hunt for wedding ministers on search engines. If you don't show up on the first page of the search results you never get any calls. The search engines have rules about what you can do and say on your site. If you violate those rules they bury you on page 1439 of the results, a fate worse than death if you are trying to keep a business going.

So you study the rules and do your best. I took a college course in Search Engine Optimization and did well in the class only to find out that all the rules were changed two months later.

It's frustrating because sometimes the rules make no sense.  Do you know that you can't use the word "wedding" too many times on a wedding officiate web site cause the robots may thing that you are trying to scam them and you get penalized.  They don't tell you, you just get put in the back of the line and you realize your phone hasn't rung with prospects for months.

Oh, you can hire companies that cost big bucks to do it for you.  And they can help sometimes. I had a big outfit for a while (two years) but then I got penalized because a lot of bad sites (porn mostly) attached links to my site without me knowing or seeing them. Many were buried.  I disappeared from searches for a while.

I've been feeling for a while now that the search engines do all this because they want to force you to pay to be on the first page of the search. It seems to be working, as I see more and more of my competitors paying the be there.

I've hired a new person who started working with me on the site.  I did it because I was spending all my time trying to figure out the rules and making changes to the site, instead of other things I need to do. She's made the site prettier and the navigation is easier.  And she has put up with my ranting.. Thanks Carolyn. The new site has been up for a week now. Yesterday we were going through it and 10 porn sites, mostly Russian, had attached links.

Now she is going through the site and besides removing the porn links, she is shortening the copy and making it more robot friendly. That's something they didn't teach me in the School of Journalism at Ohio University.

Can you tell I'm frustrated?

Just when we thought we had seen all the places where folks celebrate weddings we found there are some we were not aware of.
One of several gazebos. This one with pond and fountain.
Just two weeks ago we discovered two beautiful places we had never done before: The Missouri History Museum in Forest Park and the Larimore House.

I don't have photos of the History Museum wedding yet but I will share them when I receive them.  I wanted to share some photos of the Larimore House, a beautiful venue in Spanish Lake.

Larimore House has several gazebos for outside weddings, plus a house built in the 1800's for staging and and a barn built in the 1860's that has been updated and converted to a chapel and reception facility. 

There are ponds, fountains, creeks, bridges and many more perfect photo spots throughout the facility.

I conducted my recent wedding at a pretty gazebo all made out of stone.  As you can see in the photo on the right it is a pretty setting.

 This was my first wedding at the Larimore House and I must say I was impressed.

Not all of our weddings are in special wedding venues.

 We offer full service weddings through Remembrance Weddings (www.remembranceweddings.com) at residences all over the Metro Saint Louis, St. Charles and Southern Illinois.  We also offer "short and sweet" weddings at residences through WedXpress (www.wedxpress.com) and elopement packages through EZ-Wed Elopement Service (www.ez-wed.com.)

The same week we did our weddings at Larimore and the Missouri History Museum we did a fun wedding at a residence in south St. Louis County.
Mr. and Mrs.Smith
The ceremony was performed under a tent erected in the back yard of a south St. Louis County residence. The bride and bridesmaids looked traditional with the addition of boots.

Groomsmen were decked out in caps, camouflage with their  jackets and boots.

Bales of hay and traditional fall decor filled out the decorations.

Up front I need to clarify that most of the topics in the WedNewsDay blog are things that are important in planning the type of wedding we call "Pretty and Planned." These generally are 25-30 minute weddings that allow enough time to make the wedding personal to the couple. This wedding is often accompanied by bridesmaids, groomsmen and guests. Choices in this type of ceremony are almost endless but don't worry, we have 20 years experience as the Premier St. Louis Wedding Officiants helping you make your ceremony "just what you want."

Personally I think everyone deserves a 25 minute wedding, but I have learned that a fair number of folks really do want a wedding that is "short and sweet." so we gladly provide them.

Remembrance Weddings also does weddings we refer to as "Short and Sweet," or our WedXpress services. These weddings are 7-10 minutes long, not enough time to do much more than cover the basics. We do this with beautiful words but there isn't enough time or frankly enough fee involved for a lot of customization. These weddings are often just the couple and a few witnesses. Our short and sweet weddings are not "courthouse weddings." Our words are pretty and meaningful. Your choices in this service are limited 1. non religious or religious  2. With an exchange of rings or without an exchange of rings.

This week I want to talk about setting the tone you want your wedding to have. Again we are talking about the Pretty and Planned" type ceremony.

Tone? What is he talking about tone? 

Most weddings have pretty much the same tone.  In the past most weddings were religious and governed by the policies of whichever church was celebrating. The tone was SERIOUS. Today most wedding ceremonies are pretty traditional and serious.

Before I go further let me say I'm a big believer that a wedding and marriage is one of life's significant events, and that  your ceremony should reflect that.

But a wedding can still be significant and have a tone other than traditional. Weddings can also be very pretty, and memorable, even filled with humor. We do them all the time.

So think about the tone that represents who the two of you are as a couple. And we will gladly make it happen for you.

I'll admit I'm prejudiced.... I've been involved in music most all of my life.

For those who are interested in making your wedding stand out. Music can represent who you are as individuals and as a couple.

Most folks go with pretty traditional music. Same tunes at the same times. Those who add a little more include a singer or some strings. Same songs ....bigger budget.

For most of us (again I'm prejudiced,) music is the soundtrack of our lives. We identify with some tunes as a couple and many as individuals.

Using your own soundtrack you can customize your wedding music in a lot of different ways.  Add a mix of traditional and the music that reflects the mood you want to create, the jubilation that you feel, "your songs" as a couple or however you want. Use your dj, musicians or a capella singers to perform your music plan.

This doesn't have to be expensive. Most folks know some singers and musicians that could be pressed into service.

Listen to the words of modern songs just to make sure they reflect what you are looking for not just the feel. Need an example?  I had a couple who used traditional music throughout the ceremony. After I pronounced them husband and wife I introduced them to the attendees. Quietly building as they stood for the applause, " I thought love was only true in fairy tales, for someone else but not for me. Love was out to get me (heh, heh, heh, heh....that's the way it seemed. Disappointment haunted All my dreams.

Here is an earth friendly wedding practice I'd like to encourage and spread to others. I think it is definitely an idea that should be promoted.

I recently officiated a wedding (I also was a guest) where the couple was environmentally conscious. As the centerpiece on all the reception tables amongst the ribbons, flowers, and baubles were glass containers with tiny evergreen trees. There was a tree for each guest that sat at the table. The centerpieces were gorgeous, befitting the beauty of the wedding itself.

There was a card at each place at the table."Thank you for being part of our wedding. We will remember this special day as long as we live, and we would like you to be able to remember our day too.  Please accept as our wedding gift to you one of the trees in the glass containers which are part of your table centerpiece. 

Please take it home and plant it in an appropriate spot, give it water as it settles in, then watch it grow. Five, ten, fifty years from now you can look at the giant tree it has become and remember that you got it at our wedding. 

We hope you will enjoy our gift to you. We know the earth will benefit from the planting."

There were Yugo Pines, cypress, white pines, fir trees, junipers and more, a very nice selection. Each guest could select which tree they wanted to take home and plant.    

If the tree type you wanted had already been selected you could trade with others or pick one that was left on another table.

What a nice wedding guest gift. Ten, fifteen and twenty years from that special day guests who took home a tree and planted it will still remember where it came from.

I checked on line (Googled live tree wedding favors) and came up with some sources.

Prices start at $1.25 and go up.

Sources of Trees:

http://www.greenworldproject.net/wedding.php

http://www.arborday.org/Shopping/GiftTrees/weddings.cfm

http://www.themagnoliacompany.com/seeds/wedding/weddings-products.html

http://www.naturesgiftsandmore.com/tree-seedling-wedding-favors.html

How to Fight Fair . Courtesy, Compromise and  Common Sense in Conflict
It's so logical....why is it so hard to do

Because nobody taught you how. Not just you....really, who do you know that has taken conflict training. Almost nobody has. That compounds the problem. Not only has nobody taught you....guess what? Your spouse hasn't been trained either.

This topic that has been written about many times and will many times more. The trick is to disagree (argue, fight) to resolve the quarrel without damaging the relationship. This week's blog is a compilation of principles taken from a seminar I did with Dr. Harry Bradley, psychologist and new material I have pulled from articles found in my additional research.

When you don't fight fair you add to the baggage that you carry around with you about your partner and how you feel about the relationship. And as I am fond of saying....eventually there is too much baggage to be made into matched luggage. When you don't end up with matched luggage it leads to separation and divorce.

The reason. The minister had cancelled. I was horrified, so I attempted to find out what had happened. In most instances the couple had gotten a friend or family member (most ordained on the net) to do the wedding to save money, or because they volunteered.  Then at the last minute they cancelled. They had to work at their real job, had to travel for their real job. Or, there mother was sick in another city or (enter any number of excuses here.)

I'm going to give you a  personal opinion here. 

First, the cost of the officiate is one of the smallest costs of most weddings. During the wedding all eyes will be on three people....the bride....the groom....and the officiate.  Why anyone would put an amateur in this important position to save a little money is beyond me.

A wedding is an event that marks one of the most significant moments in the life of a couple, Why would you give the job of creating a performing that ceremony to someone not experienced at planning and officiating weddings? 

Some one told me that theirs wasn't a money issue,  they chose a friend because they wanted to be able to do the ceremony "their way."  There are many professional wedding officiates that will let you plan your wedding just the way you want it. And, if they are experienced they have the knowledge to avoid the pitfalls that others have when planning their wedding with someone who doesn't know what works and what doesn't.

Another issue to consider with an amateur. In the last several years a Pennsylvania couple got married using a friend who got ordained on the net so he could be their wedding officiate. Sadly the marriage didn't work and in the divorce one party argued that the marriage was not valid at all, as the friend officiate "wasn't really a minister.." 

A few of the cancelling ministers were from wedding companies. I started to write professional wedding companies, but obviously these folks were not very professional .

A professional will give you a contract. And that means they will show up for your wedding. And if they become ill or have some other issue, the professional will always have a backup plan.

Since 1993 we have never cancelled or missed a wedding date. And we have four available ministers, so if one of us is ill, we have backup.  

Doesn't that all sound like a better idea that asking an amateur or a less professional wedding ministers?

Love is our topic of the week because Love has been on my mind a lot this week.  This blog isn't as clearly defined because it is a very complex subject.

First Corinthians 13; 4-13 is a very popular Bible reading at weddings because it's central theme is about love. The language changes depending on which version of the Bible you read from. There are over 50 versions of the Bible in English alone to pick from. The version below is a popular one.

This has been a tough one to write, much tougher than I expected. So I guess I should say that this is all personal opinion.  Everyone has a different perspective as to the significance of marriage, the ceremony et al.

Most states have few requirements as to what a ceremony is or should be. So it really is up to you. If you want the ceremony to be:
 "Sally you want to marry Bill?"
 "Yes"
"  Bill do you want to marry Sally?"
 " Yes."
 " Ok you're married, let's party."

Most states, if not all, would recognize that as a valid marriage ceremony, if the officiate signs off on it.

But is that REALLY what you want to remember about your wedding?

To me, marriage is a significant and important event in your life. Personally,  the above "Bill and Sally" ceremony doesn't reflect how important a step you are taking, by getting married.

 I'm going to give you some of my thoughts on the subject.

How long should a wedding ceremony be? Like most wedding questions, the answer is, whatever you want it to be.


The shorter wedding is for small weddings of just a few people in a park or a residence.

It's for people who have been married before. Now I'll admit we do the shorter weddings for first time married....especially for those in the military. And a lot of others. And we'll gladly do this type of ceremony for you if you are sure that is what you want.

But it is my personal opinion for most of you,  you are short changing yourself.

A marriage is a significant in your life. I know I keep repeating myself but it is a point that needs to be repeated.  And that's just as true if you been married a time or two before.

Even if you plan to get married again later.... within your church, on a future trip etc., this wedding will always be the one when you were first married. It's the one that really counts. The one later is just performance art.

We offer two types of ceremonies. One short....seven to ten minutes. We call it the WedXpress "Mini" ceremony.

We also offer a longer ceremony, generally between 20-30 minutes.  Both types are written to be pretty and meaningful ceremonies....but they are different lengths and purposes. Both types can be religious or non religious.

The WedXpress "Mini" is a pretty ceremony of 7-10 minutes, offering limited choices but a pretty ceremony.

The longer "Gold Standard" wedding offers the couple complete choice of every component of the wedding ceremony which include our planning services. It won't generally be shorter than 20 minutes and can go as long as it needs to based on what you want to do. Generally they run 25-30 minutes.

Just because you've done it before it is still a big deal, something to be celebrated, and to be entered into earnestly and sincerely . If you've got the right person to perform your ceremony the third time you won't get the same ceremony that the first time married gets.  And the longer ceremony with choices provides you the opportunity to acknowledge or incorporate, family,  children and a lot more.

When in doubt I tend to opt for the longer ceremony with lots of choices. I know more needs to be said here, but I'm tired of writing. Maybe in later edits.

If you'd like to talk about "your" wedding, whether short or long, don't hesitate to call us at 314-965-5648,

You can. We marry many couples in an outdoors setting. And there is something very beautiful about an outdoor wedding if everything goes well.

Some things to remember.

You can't control the weather.  Always have a backup plan for bad weather. You may not have to use it but what if you do and don't have a backup?

A few years back I was booked to do an April wedding at a well known St. Louis County park, frequently used for ceremonies. The location selected for the wedding was not covered in any way.

I awoke to rain. It had been raining the entire day. Not just a drop here and there, we're talking sheets of water being driven by 40 mph winds.  I tried calling the bride starting about four hours before the ceremony, once I saw that the day appeared to be a washout. I didn't get an answer so I left a message .  I called several more times before leaving home to no avail. 

As is my routine, I arrived at the park about an hour before the ceremony. The rain had not let up, in fact it was probably raining harder, and the temperature had risen to the high of 50 degrees. I could look out over the site of the ceremony and it was under a small pond of the fallen rain.

Once again I tried calling the bride, only to have the phone answered by the Bride's mother. I told her I had been trying to call, was at the ceremony site, and I asked if there was a  another location due to the cold and rain? The Bride's Mother angrily asked "Are you telling me that you refuse to do the wedding where we contracted?" I must admit that this made my blood boil but I considered that she was probably pretty stressed, so I  quietly stated, "No mam,  I am not refusing, just telling you that I don't think your guests are going to like standing 30 minutes in 50 degree weather in the driving rain. Also, I must say that if we do have it in the rain you would have to be responsible for anything I brought that was damaged by the rain. "  She wasn't a happy camper. In order to help calm thing down I asked, " Are you having a reception?" She said they were to gather at a local banquet center several hours later. I asked her "Why not move the wedding to the reception hall?"

"I'm busy right now, you call them." she noted. "It's not my place to call them really. I'm sure since you've already dealt with them they'd be happy to help you," I told her. Voice moving up several steps she yelled, " Didn't I tell you I was busy? Why won't you help me?"

Being the peacemaker, I called the banquet hall manager and explained the situation. He asked why I was the one calling, and I told him the mother was pretty stressed and was mad at me because I suggested that she make the call. He was perfectly willing to host the wedding an hour earlier than the reception. "Tell her it will cost $150.00 more, "he said.   "Wait," I said," you tell her, here is her phone number."  "No" he said," you already told me she's mad at you....you tell her."  After calls back and forth I got everything arranged. Originally scheduled for 2:00 pm the wedding was rescheduled for 4:00. We started at 4:40 as the bride spent 40 minutes throwing up in bathroom before we started.

From then on I always ask my clients if they have a backup plan for an outdoor location ceremony.

It's not just rain you have to worry about with an outdoor wedding.  Temperature, both heat and cold must be considered.  I've done weddings where the guests were mostly elderly and they melted in 100+ degree heat. I've had guests, family and members of the bridal party faint from the heat.

 Sun position in the sky at the time of the service is another thing to keep in mind. Try to pick a spot where the sun isn't going to blindingly in our eyes, or the eyes of your guests.

Wind is also a consideration. Weight everything down in an outdoor wedding. The aisle runner, flower arrangements, tables, photos, and programs may all be "Gone with the Wind," with a good gust. Beanbags or Sandbags work well for arrangements, tables, photos etc. The aisle runner can be tacked down with long nails on both sides about four feet apart.

In choosing your outdoor location always consider who else might  be attending. I've done weddings where there were homeless folks bathing in fountains behind us during the ceremony, in spots sure to be in the wedding photos; I've also seen homeless folks going through the receiving line after the ceremony. I've got nothing against the homeless....it is a nationwide problem with no easy solution. But I also know most folks don't necessarily want them at their wedding.

Also consider whether the ceremony site is close to the road and/or the a high traffic area at the time the ceremony is scheduled. I've been at outdoor services where rude drive-by comments, spoiled the mood.

Still, all considered, outdoor weddings can be wonderful. Just plan it through, take these extra few steps and say a little prayer.

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Love is hard to findWe all live in the hope of loving and being loved. There it is....very simple statement that is so true.

Years ago I went into business for myself, and I opened a dating service. It was different than anything out there at the time. Now there are systems built on the path that we established and research that we accomplished. Services like E-Harmony.com and Match.com with Dr. Phil. But then the concept that I put forward was totally new.

I got into it because I had gotten divorced and was having a tough time figuring out the dating game. I did a lot of research and the more I read and learned the more I found out that it is a miracle if anyone finds anybody.

And so it is today. Even when you think you have found someone....you may be wrong. And then another great truth I learned is reinforced. There is no love without pain. 

Interested in a million musings ? click on this link:http://www.amillionmusings.blogspot.com/  

Let's start part two of Questions and Answers to Help The Officiate with a quick review of Part One.

So far we've given the officiate all your contact information, the location, day and time of the ceremony and if there is a rehearsal, it's day, time and location.

We've let the officiate know the ages of the couple and whether it's their first marriage or they have been married before. Why is this important? It is my philosophy (as I mentioned in part one) that weddings should not be "one size fits all." So the message and tone of a wedding for a twenty something couple both getting married for the first time is a different message and ceremony than I would write for a couple in their 40's who have been married before and have grown kids.

We have determined the style of the ceremony Traditional Religious, Non Denominational Religious, Spiritual (A non religious ceremony with quotes from poets, philosophers and great writers,)  Civil (Secular,). Blended (a service that is a blend of two of the above.  Other officiates may call them something else.

Last thing we covered in part one was the overall tone of the service. The feel of any of the styles listed above can be varied by tone selected.  

There are exceptions but I recommend that ceremonies last about 25 minutes. Longer than this and people get fidgety. Much shorter than 25 minutes the ceremony doesn't seem significant to the life event that is a marriage.

www.remembranceweddings.com
a service of the Spiritual Growth Fellowship

Beautiful, Meaningful & Memorable
Romantic Personal Wedding Ceremonies You’ll Remember Forever

The Most Reverend Doctor Charles E. Million, D.D.
13001 Dieterle Lane Saint Louis, MO 63127

Email:maxmillion1@earthlink.net 
Phone: 314-965-5648
Toll Free: 888-521-8146
Cell: 314-503-4727
Fax: 314-984-0828

Every officiate has a different way of collecting the information they use to write your ceremony. That is, if they write a different ceremony for different couples. Not everyone does.

Our opinion is that wedding ceremonies should  not be "one size fits all."  Our mission is to provide you with a ceremony which is Beautiful to hear or read, Meaningful to the bride, groom and their guests,  and Memorable to all who participate or witness it.

I am dividing the questions into two parts....Part 1 is this week. I'm told all the time that I have to keep things short on the net because many folks have short attention spans. 

Cordially,

Charles Million

This week we're going to talk a little about rehearsals. Later I will talk specifically about how I do a wedding rehearsal. Today's blog is about the traditional guidelines for the procession, where everybody stands during the ceremony, and the recession. Much of this material I gathered years ago from someplace on the net so I don't claim this is all original. I should credit someone but its been years since I gathered the info and I don't remember where I got it.

Whether you have a rehearsal is really up to you. I certainly wouldn't try to strong arm you into having a rehearsal if you don't want one. If you have a very simple wedding, no bridesmaids or groomsmen....or your bridesmaids and groomsmen are very experienced at weddings and already know what to do, you can get by without a rehearsal.

My personal opinion is that a wedding is a significant event in your life and a rehearsal always makes a wedding go smoother.

What I am outlining is the general guidelines for traditional way of doing things. I want to state up front, and will reiterate throughout, this is your wedding and you can change any of the following to suit what you want and need on your special day.

Personally I love those folks who get creative at their weddings. Dancing down the procession aisle, masks et al. adds to what makes your wedding unique to you and fun for the guests.

Pastoral Counseling and Testing
Nobody taught you how to be married. It is a simple fact that other than living in our own families and using them as models, few folks really have any training in couple relationships.

Whether there are issues to be discussed, or you just want to prepare for a sound marriage you can count on Remembrance Weddings. We have years of experience in relationship building, strengthening and counseling with couples.

Not your typical pastoral counseling on religion and your relationship, our association with Relationship Counseling Associates allows us to offer various forms of testing and counseling to give your marriage the best possible start.  

One which is particularly relevant to couples is “Heart to Heart.” This computer driven test facilitates the couple knowing each other better and reveals topics for discussion in the twelve critical areas that cause problems for relationships.

The sessions that follow the testing are designed to help the couples communicate more effectively, solve misunderstandings and build a stronger relationship.  

Other available testing will identify your personality type, temperament and learning and communications styles to facilitate better understanding and communication with your partner.
This is not a requirement for us to perform your ceremony, We recommend it to all our clients.

Ask yourself this question: Who Taught You How to Make a Marriage Work?

The sorry fact is that nobody did. A successful marriage starts with love. But it requires skills to make it last. And in most cases nobody taught you what those skills are and how to make them work in your relationship.

To better their chances for success, couples need training in 12 specific areas.  How to negotiate power in the relationship; how to fight fair; parenting and discipline; family and friends; sex and intimacy; finances and goals; are just some of the skills you need to go the distance.. 
We can provide pastoral counseling and training in relationship building prior to or after the ceremony to help couples strengthen their relationship. 

This is not a requirement for us to perform your wedding ceremony. But we recommend marital counseling to all our clients….even if you choose to get it elsewhere.

Most marriage counselors will tell you that by the time most couples come to therapy they have built up resentment and walls which will never go away.

A better approach is to get the skills you need and counseling early before little things become big ones. We are experienced at helping you strengthen your relationship before or  after your wedding. We love it when our couples live "happily ever after."

KEY PRINCIPLE FOR A SUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE.

ALWAYS REMEMBER: THIS IS THE PERSON YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO SPEND YOUR LIFE WITH.

Who taught you how to argue with your spouse? We learned, so now you can.

Later we'll post  a podcast of a radio show and seminar I did with Dr. Harry Bradley, a Saint Louis Ph.D. psychologist on How to Fight Fair. I don't do a lot of recommendations, but if you have need of some counseling (and who doesn't) Harry is a great guy, the consummate professional counselor. We have worked together on projects and I saw Harry myself for counseling when I was diagnosed with cancer years back.

Today I'm going to talk a little bit about the advise I include in many weddings Address To The Couple about arguing with your spouse.

The fact is no relationship is perfect. No person is perfect (not even me!) So inevitable there will be some conflict in your marriage, somewhere along the line. 

Noted author Robert Louis Stevenson wrote "Marriage is like life in that it is a field of battle.... and not a bed of roses."

 Renowned psychologist Carl Jung stated," :Seldom or perhaps never, does a marriage develop into an individual relationship smoothly and without crises. There is no coming to consciousness without pain." 

Sometimes when we argue we get angry. In anger, in order to win an argument,  we may be tempted to say mean and terrible words to our spouse to win the argument. But terrible words, once said....may be forgiven because of love...but they will never be forgotten.

Terrible words once said....may be forgiven because of love....but they will never be forgotten. 

Those unforgotten words will be the first brick in the wall between you. With enough of those bricks you will find yourself behind a wall so big neither of you can get around it.
  
Always Remember: This is the person you have chosen to spend your life with. Speak to them keeping that in mind.

Years ago I headed a five person counseling practice that was attached to one of the Midwest's largest dating services. In order to be part of our group you had to take three psychological tests and meet with a state licensed therapist.  

What we had was something similar to what EHarmony does on the web, but we did it face to face with a licensed counseling staff. 

Our advisory team, and guest experts included noted authorities in fields related to the choosing, wooing, understanding and keeping a relationship and marriage. Folks like Helen Fisher (noted anthropologist and now chief science officer at Chemistry,com ) Harvel Hendricks (author of "Getting the Love You Want," "Keeping the Love You Find,) Dr. Randy Hammer (noted sex therapist,) Dr. Dori Hollandar (author of "101 Lies Men Tell Women and Why Women Believe Them," ) John Gray ( author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.) and more. 
  
The purposes of the center were: 

1. Teach members about themselves. 
2. Teach members about making choices based on their knowledge of themselves.
3. Provide them ways to meet other people also knowledgeable about themselves and making choices. We did this through a proprietary matching system, member's own choices from member profiles and videos, and events we sponsored for our membership
4. Through readings, seminars and events, teach them the skills they need to make a relationship work, including: Parenting and Discipline, Finances and Goals, Sex and Intimacy, How to Fight Fair and many more.

This blog will attempt give insight to what we learned and have tried to teach others. Some will be written, some will be pod-casts from our guest lecturers and advisers. We will also be posting about love, marriage, with us you just never know.

We have asked other ministers, counselors and other folks to post as well with their thoughts, wedding info and a lot more.

We hope you find it useful.

If you have something you would like to share on the blog please email to revmillion@yahoo.com

Cordially, 

The Most Reverend Charles E. Million D.D.